My superpower is creating home systems that work… But it took me a really long time to figure that out.
First, I spent years being tired. Years feeling frustrated and confused about how to keep up with all the tasks and duties on my plate. Years of trying one organizing method after another that never seemed to last. Years feeling guilty for being a stay-at-home mom that wasn’t very good at keeping house. Years wondering if I’d ever actually pull it together.
And yet, I believe that taking control of my home systems actually saved my life, even though I didn’t realize it at the time.
You see, as a young woman, after a whirlwind romance, I found myself quickly married, moved into a new home and blessed with the miracle of a baby on the way! And while from the outside it probably looked like I was living the dream, my reality was anything but.
My new marriage had a dark side, and I often felt like I was stuck in a spider’s web woven by my husband. Day and night, I was monitored, scrutinized and haunted. I’d wake up each day not knowing if I faced tenderness or harsh consequences. I lived in confusion and secrets, chaos and abuse, fear and eventually isolation. It all felt like unpredictable chaos.
In the midst of this unpredictable chaos, my escape was working on projects. As an interior designer, all I wanted to do was make things beautiful. And yet, as I painted and puttied, my piles of laundry sat unattended and the dishes piled in the sink. This in turn, only brought more wrath my way.
I channeled inward and prayed unceasingly, and suddenly it surfaced – my spark.
Maybe it was the memories of my grandmother, who had taught me all her secrets of homemaking many years before, even as my own mom showed no interest in things domestic. Or maybe it was that spark of creativity that had led me to pursue a career in Interior Design after starting out as a medical student.
Creating home systems that really worked became my secret focus, and even though my marriage was still chaotic and unpredictable, for me each day began with a new purpose and vigor. I had my motivator and I was gaining strength as my spark began to burn. I regained control, and I began to feel freedom, where before all I had felt was trapped.
Eventually that sense of confidence and strength and regaining of control became my liberation, and I finally dared to walk away from the marriage that had almost destroyed me.
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And while I was relieved to finally be free, I now faced the reality of being a full time one hundred percent single mom. With a toddler and an infant, I had hopes for brighter days, with the responsibilities of raising babies, all by myself, and without time and money, made my hopeful days feel like a faraway dream.Until one day, a friend’s offhand comment planted a new seed when she said “why don’t you help people with their homes? You make it look so easy and it isn’t!”
That tiny seed ignited my passion.
Because until that moment, I hadn’t realized that the home systems I had created for myself were anything special. For me, it was survival. And yet, it had become my superpower. I began cooking for families and teaching moms how to better master their food system. I began organizing and teaching cleaning and the methods I had discovered in mastering my home. It made sense and I felt alive.
The happy ending...
And a New Beginning
And yet, being a single mom is HARD. Still burdened with the concerns of the days ahead, I battled depressing thoughts and tried desperately not to succumb into giving up. Although I was hopeful and loved my babies desperately, I was tired. I wanted to create a business that would work for me to be a mom and help others run their homes. But in the early 2000s that wasn’t as viable of an option. So, I did what I was good at and felt secure with – I went back to school. This time to be a lawyer.
What I found instead, was a brand-new purpose….and my future husband. After many discussions and thoughts about marriage, we decided two lawyers plus 4 kids and a dog equaled one too many lawyers and not enough parents at home.
So, I was now a single mom turned full time stepmom with a blended family. This time my skills were really put to the test. Not in terms of redoing, but honing and careful crafting.
Four kids in four different schools, different custodial schedules, different sports, lots of meals and lots of laundry. All personal and career ideas were put on hold. I had other pressing priorities. My family. I embraced it. It was my joy!
It was time to run my household like a boss, and I did. But thankfully this time not motivated by fear, but by the desire to live lightly during the busy season. The motivation to live well and beautifully. The desire to cultivate peace and potential. To live into the meaningful.
Find Your Happy Ending Too
And now here I am, finally after all these years, leaning into the superpower that saved me.
There’s something about turning fifty that is reflective. There’s something about being an empty nester that is bittersweet. Through both lenses I have gained clarity in this ever-changing life of mine. Now I embrace my past as I reflect upon it, yes, still recalling Gramma, and seeing it all having its purpose.
Every event or turning point being a doorway of no return. Events that marked my chapters. Everything having led to this - my transformational journey. Life wisdom and skill born out of my own struggles and seeds planted by great friends (little angels) who could see “me” amidst my circumstances. Through all of it I found myself.
My mission is to bring it all together. To share what I have learned and what I have refined - those golden nuggets that I have mined over the years are not mine to keep. I want to share and support anyone who needs a home that sings! I want anyone who says home is their sanctuary to mean it and have it, not have it be just a sign that hangs on the wall.
You see, I fundamentally believe that if you are living with home systems that are outdated or defunct, you are living the opposite of what you ought. The “home” should not be the dreaded source of pain and stress. No, I believe that a home should support those that live in it. Not just to survive, but certainly that.
Home systems will never go away. They are a function of living. They must be addressed.
My purpose is to guide you every step of the way in establishing your home systems, so that you too can be the hero of your story and harness your own superpower.
The DTH Foundation
"We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give."
- Winston Churchill